Just...a little bit more

I guess when your main obstacle in life becomes time, and the main objective is money, reputation, and/or success, the one key factor that gets denied is sleep.

(If you lost what I'm trying to say already, re-read main topic. If you don't want to bother, it's okay. I promise, my other posts doesn't sound half as intellectual =] ).

I have never, truly, honestly, ever (I think you get my point by now) really appreciated sleep, or the effect of what a good night sleep could do. I mean, I have missed my sleep before- when I'm rushing to finish a kick-ass 50 page essay in one night because the due date is tomorrow and I well, procrastinated. Or even staying awake the whole night during a sleepover because a bet (and your reputation) depended on it - I get severely PMS-y the next day and pretty much breathe fire at anyone who twitches in my direction. BUT. I have never, truly, honestly, ever (haha) realized the importance of sleep until this year.

This year I have worked at least six different jobs and still keeping more than half of it. I've taken up twice as many duties and responsibilities in church (a quiet disclaimer: when you're "volunteered" to do something that all the leaders call "work for God" it becomes more a duty than a love. Which is wrong. I honestly think God would be more proud of me if I did one job well and with all that I can give rather than six different jobs that I'm reluctant to do. Just saying). Everything I thought I had, I lost, because I had taken them all for granted. And everything I think I still have, I'm trying to hold on so tightly to, but it's like trying to hold water in cupped hands.

I know. I hate it too when a blogger starts being ambiguous when writing something personal. I mean. If you're going to blog it you may as well say it! Sheesh.

But, I have a blog for two main purposes, one is to have somewhere to unload and share my innermost thoughts and feelings and in the same instance, hoping to impact or help shape someone else's life, week, day or even fifteen minuets, while still witholding enough information to protect oneself against gossip, slander and judgement.

Big ideals huh?

But I digress.

Amidst all the business, and the drama, and the revelations, I lost my sleep.

In vain you rise early,

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat-

for he grants sleep to those he loves.

(NLV)

or

It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to His loved ones.

(NLT)

Psalms 127:2

But you know, despite how tired and exhausted I am - so tired that when people call me after twelve, I can actually physically fall asleep halfway talking, and have to be yelled awake. Sometimes, people just hang up and I wake up with my phone pressed between my face and my hand with no recollection of having answered the phone - BUT despite this, I prefer my life this way. When I'm too tired to think. When I'm too busy to reflect on past grievances. When I'm too occupied to even, feel.

I think I like it this way.

And until the next breakdown everyone.